In Memoriam, or In Memory
of Bill January 25, 2009
Photo Courtesy of Lanson
Funeral Home
William C. “Bill” Kenyon lll
August 11th 1953 - January 09, 2009
Writers
Note: This will be one of the most difficult pieces of
writing I have ever
attempted
to create thus far because it means that my all-time best friend has died.
My observations and comments
have been recorded very sporadically and rather piecemeal because my emotions
are so very raw and quite unpredictable. In many moments when I least
expect it my grief over this loss simply overpowers me and I am unable
to see the keyboard through my tears. I will however endeavor to
make this eulogy as readable as possible.
As a matter of fact I
have seated myself at this keyboard several times now in the last few days
in hopes that my grief may have settled down a wee bit. For the moment
I seem to be somewhat at peace so I will write for as long as I am able.
It may simply be sufficient
to say I loved Bill Kenyon, and consequently end this entry. On the
other hand, perhaps I should enumerate the many things that he was because
identifying my losses is supposed to be a part of the grief healing process.
Regardless, it seems appropriate
to back up and provide a few words of our shared history so that you the
reader can understand the depth of my affection for this wonderful yet
flawed person.
We first met in 1977 at
the Air Force Academy, I was newly arriving as the Senior Non-Commissioned
Officer (NCO) in Charge of Veterinary Services (don’t ask!) and Bill was
one of my three junior NCOs’. He was one of the most sharply dressed,
extremely respectful and intelligent young men that I had ever met.
In today’s parlance he was also “quite the hunk”!
Yes I am saying that he
looked awesome. In his High School Career he was a football hero
at his high school and if memory serves was an all-state middle linebacker
and team captain. He was built like a chisel from his narrow waist
to his broad muscular shoulders, and his brilliant blue eyes twinkled,
his pearly-white smile was a mile wide, and his intellect was very disarming,
He was married, to his
high school sweetheart, Kathy and eventually they went on to parent three
children, Susan, Tracy and Michael. My daughter was their babysitter
on many occasions, and as couples we also were in each other’s company
for many social and civic activities. So we all knew each other very
well!
In 1980, Bill determined
that the Air Force simply did not offer him what he wanted and he accepted
an honorable discharge and then he and his young family departed for California
and for a while the story stops there and picks up again in the middle
1990’s.
One day my phone rang,
and the voice asked, “Do you know who this is?” Well not having known
many people in my life time with a characteristic Maine accent, I knew
immediately it was Bill. He explained that he had talked with another
person also a co-worker who had tracked me down earlier.
As we chatted he told
me that he and Kathy were divorced, the business he was in had lost a ton
of money, and he was in the recovery phase following extensive heart by-pass
surgery. Setting his health concerns aside for the moment it was truly
great hearing from him after so many years.
That single phone call
evolved into more frequent telephone conversations and on some occasions
we talked no less than once a day. Our phone calls became marathon-like
and we would chat for hours about everything and anything. In one
of our calls during mid 1997, Bill stated the he had been unemployed for
quite some time and the wolves were baying at his door. Trust me,
if he would have been just down the street I would have hired him in a
second.
However, he was still
in California and by that time I was in Idaho working as a General Manager
of a franchised Holiday Inn property. During a regional meeting for
related hotels I learned of a position in the Food and Beverage Department
at the Holiday Inn home offices in Atlanta. I felt that the position
description and qualification fit my dear friend perfectly and passed along
the information.
To make a long story short,
Bill was hired as a Food and Beverage Consultant and in that job he travelled
to Holiday Inns to evaluate compliance with Holiday Inn Standards.
After some preliminary training, he hit the road and what do you know,
my hotel was one of the very first he opted to visit. What a reunion
that was on December 9, 1997, reunited with an old friend and on my birthday
to boot. We celebrated sensibly into to the wee small hours and had
the greatest of times reminiscing. At the evening’s end we exchanged expressions
of affection for each other before we retired each to our own rooms.
From that face to face
meeting we enjoyed countless hours on the phone sharing our innermost thoughts
and emotions. Together and in person, Bill and I were able to celebrate
our friendship in Denver, Colorado; Scottsbluff, Nebraska; Phoenix and
Tucson, Arizona as well as here in Pennsylvania. Each moment we were
together flew past us faster than we liked which only served to make the
anticipation of the next visit even more exciting.
With every shared thought
and every expressed word the bond between us became tighter. In fact,
on many occasions because mutually and separately our other friendships
and relationships seemed doomed to failure, we gravitated to each other
for comfort and reassurance discussing on several occasions the possibility
of growing old with each other.
What could two people
talk about for so many hours you may ask? Big surprise...food!
Other topics - people, politics, faith, friendship, relationships, parents,
children, music, art, cars, and goodness knows what else. Perhaps
some of our more special moments were when Bill shared some of his original
poetry with me.
Bill had the ability to
paint beautiful pictures with words; verbal portraits of life, places,
people, sunrises and sunsets, gardens, trees and his beloved pond back
home in Millinocket, Maine. When he recited his refrains I could
see the sparkling wavelets in the afternoon sun, and hear the plaintive
cry of the loon at sunset. He even wrote one or two where I was the
subject and in his words Bill lifted me, encouraged me, excited me, comforted
me, and yes, embraced me.
So many of our conversations
were very emotional and I always felt truly honored by the friendship and
true expressions of love that I received. He praised me, and more
than a few times as he expressed his appreciation for my role as his mentor
during his short-lived Air Force career. In truth I never once was
able to convince him that I gained as much from his insights as he did
from my alleged motivational methods.
For all of the qualities
this beautiful man possessed he had one vice that eventually for me rendered
him unacceptable as a life-partner much less a friend. Bill was an
incurable alcoholic. Many of our late-night phone calls were when
he was intoxicated and my co-dependent personality probably tolerated his
addiction for far too long.
My first marriage had
ended with divorce because of the alcoholism of my first “ex”. In
that particular case, competing for attention and affection with a six
pack of beer and a half a bottle of Jack Daniels every night became more
than my patience could abide. Unfruitful discussion with another
drunk became oppressive and I was forced to establish the boundary that
I would only accept calls when he was sober.
Are you jumping ahead
to that outcome? Well you had to have guessed that our telephone
time was greatly reduced and sometimes weeks would go by without our exchanging
so much as a word. A by-product of that time was the deep-seated
fear that my dear friend might pass away, and it would be months before
I knew.
To know Bill drunk and
sober was to know two essentially separate personalities. Now I am
not going to make any cheesy Jekyll and Hyde references, but there was
one persona that when sober was Bill and then when under the influence
there was Billy. Bill was a quiet, reserved, somewhat shy person.
Billy was full of fun, a risk taker, and someone surely gregarious enough
to walk up and say “Hi” to the Queen of England.
Now do not misunderstand
me when I tell you that I preferred to talk to and spend time with Bill.
In saying that do not assume I am repudiating Billy because that personage
had some redeeming qualities as well. If you were out somewhere together,
you felt safer because his Billy bravado would always be able to protect
you. Of course, as you might imagine, Bill was certainly much easier
to talk to than his doppelganger.
My earlier referenced
worst fear was realized because Bill did indeed die on January 9, 2009
and sure enough I did not learn of his passing until this past Wednesday,
January 21. His ex-wife Kathy was kind enough to let me know.
In spite of his addiction to alcohol Kathy regards Bill as the love her
life even after all these years.
While I was never privy
to what follows, Kathy revealed to me that the divorce became necessary
because while under the influence Bill was abusive to both her and the
children. This little tidbit took me by complete surprise because
during our time together even with Billy present he was always a mellow
fellow and completely loving. However, we were never married so who
knows? Bill went to his death with two women regarding him as the
love of their life. I already named his ex-wife Kathy as one of them
and with very little effort I am certain you can guess the identity of
the other!
I likely could fill a
volume with conversations remembered, emotions shared, love expressed and
moments savored. In all probability my life will go on, the pain
of these memories will dissipate in time, and I may even find another person
that I can love as much as I loved this flawed man.
However, in closing, Bill
Kenyon, wherever you are, always know that I love you, but I am really
mad at you………you allowed that damnable booze to take your life and to top
it all off, you left without saying goodbye!
--
Post Script -- June 9, 2009
(Tearfully
written.....again!)
Well
it is five months to the day since Bill passed from this life to the next
and I wish I could tell you that my feelings of grief have dissipated.
Obviously they have not! I re-read the above blog again a few moments
ago and my tears again came as a cloudburst!
A
few weeks ago Kathy sent via email two pictures; one of Bill’s three kids,
Susan, Tracy and Michael and one of Kathy herself and Michael. As
I see the kids I see their father just as plainly as if he was standing
in front of me and I have had to stop looking at them because of what they
evoke.
Why
is it that I cannot stop grieving? Is it because Bill meant so much
to me? Is it that I don’t have closure because we never said our
goodbyes? Is it because I loved him so dearly and I recall his expressions
of how much he loved me? Maybe it is because I resent the alcohol
and the cost it has exacted with Bill and so many others?
I
am open to suggestions as to why that I cannot move past my grief, so if
anyone has any ideas I would dearly love to hear them!
